Warning: This post may offend… a few people…

“Can DP be the one to finally stop Khabib?”

“Will Khabib maul Poirier like he has everyone else?”

“What website can I stream it for free?”

Dustin Poirier, the pride of Louisiana, travels all the way to Abu Dhabi on September 7th to take on the undefeated Khabib Nurmagomedov and to unify the lightweight division. Although it sounds a bit like an Adam Sandler plot, UFC 242’s main event is set to be one hell of a fight. The card as a whole is filled with some stellar matchups and possibility of fun violence.

That being said, there are a few issues that the MMA media aren’t asking. We at StipeTapped (me and only me btw) are still quite wound up about a few, well, let’s just say concerns. Let’s jump right in.

#1 Ring Girls

In a country where women can hardly show any skin at all in public, one has got to wonder how Uncle Dana is going to get the UFC ring girls to work this event? With laws in place where woman literally cannot show their shoulders, it seems the UFC team is going to have to come up with new outfit for those hard working ladies on the front line. I mean, how am I supposed to know what round it is if there’s not a giant cardboard sign with a number on it in front of me?

#2 Raising a Fighters Hand

I have all the faith in the world that the UFC has not even once thought about this huge crisis in front of us. It is illegal to hold hands in public in Abu Dhabi. Now here’s my question; if a fight goes the distance and the ref has to hold BOTH fighters hands as the decision is announced, do all three of them go to jail? Would the loser get a more harsh punishment than the winner? This one has to be debated in court, I’d assume. If my math is correct, if every fight on the card went to a decision, we’d be looking at roughly…. 37 arrests? You know the old saying, “never leave the fight in the hands of the judges?” It might mean a little more this time…

#3 Supporting Overseas Charities

We all know what a genuinely great human being that Dustin Poirier is. His charity, The Good Fight Foundation, auctions off his fight gear after his fights. The money collected from these auctions has gone on to provide 3,000 meals for Second Harvest Food Bank, helped the family of a fallen Louisiana Police Officer, and built a disability playground for Prarie Elementary School in Lafayette, Louisiana, to name a few things. Too bad he can’t talk about it after the fight, right? As it is illegal to support an overseas charity. Thank Christ, oh I’m sorry, Allah** himself for these strict laws to protect the people of Abu Dhabi from such horrible situations, like hearing DP talk about charity work. I feel safe.

(Here is a link to donate to the The Good Fight Foundation)

#4 Mean Gestures

Post fight octagon interviews are put in place for one purpose, calling out another fighter. Think of Nate Diaz calling out Conor for taking everything he worked for, or Nick Diaz’s little brother throwing the middle fingers up while in the midst of locking in a triangle on Kurt Pellegrino. Or even more recently, that tall guy that beat Conor that one time and then fought him again saying “Nick Diaz army motherfuckers” after beating the brakes off of Anthony Pettis? Yup…… can’t do any of it. Offensive behavior, swearing, rude gestures, all of it. Illegal. So don’t expect any fireworks (which are, you guessed it, illegal) during the interviews. I guess it’s a good thing Khabib only supports Ramzan Kadyrov and paying the homeless to do push-ups. Can you imagine if he **deep sigh** cursed in public?

With all of these issues seemingly being swept under the rug, I’m not quite sure what to expect come Saturday night. Yes, the fights will be great. But what happens outside the octagon may be more entertaining than the actual battles inside it. I just can’t wait to pre-order my new Reebok gear. Gotta support the fighters, right?