Here at StipeTapped we pride ourselves on pithy pettiness and niche scrutiny. What’s more petty than a name; a nickname to be exact? Some fighters have great nicknames. Who can forget a Quinton “Rampage” Jackson or Anthony “Showtime” Pettis? Who can remember Frank “Twinkle Toes” Trigg or Hector “Showeather” Lombard (I refuse to add that to my dictionary)?

Nicknames are important! Actually, no they’re not, but I was bored and I wanted to write an irreverent article. I Will hopefully be doing these for each card moving forward. so look out for them. Onto the nicknames.

Demian Maia – “Drop Bear”

Demian Maia doesn’t have a nickname, which is an egregious failure of the MMA fanbase, and that’s saying something. Drop bears are a fictitious folk tale designed to scare tourists visiting Australia. They are a nightmarish off shoot of the Koala bear, and their M.O. involves dropping from trees in the outback and savaging the faces of unsuspecting ramblers.

I put it to you, that drop bears do exist, only they are native to Brazil. Maia is a lovely gentlemen with a friendly demeanour, but he makes his money latching onto peoples backs and mauling the neck and face. Give the man a nickname for God’s sake, and make it the “Drop Bear”.

Anthony Rocco Martin

Tony Martin recently re-invented himself at welterweight, and with that came a name change. He started calling himself ‘Rocco’ because he always thought he was more of a Rocco, which is ridiculous. You can’t just start calling yourself Rocco. Why are we allowing this? That’s not how it works. Anyway, not having that. Let’s call him Norman or Trev or something. Serves him right.

Paul Craig

Paul Craig already has a pretty good nickname: “Bearjew”. Can’t fault a good Tarantino reference, but I can think of more fitting sobriquet. We’ll call him Paul “U.S.A” Craig, because he shows up in the last second and steals all the glory.

Junior Albini

Junior Albini is an unfortunate young man. His build and bizarre wardrobe choices have afforded him the less than favourable nickname, “Baby”. I don’t know about you, but if I was a professional cage fighter I wouldn’t want to be introduced as “Baby”. Babies, by their very nature, are entirely non-threatening. In fact, I would argue they are the least threatening members of society. That’s why adults have to look after them and feed them and stuff. Can’t do it on their own, so I wouldn’t rely on them in a scrap.

I would however, rely on a panda bear in a scrap. Just look at Albini; he is all panda bear. Thank me later, Junior “Panda Bear” Albini.

Francis Ngannou

Francis Ngannou was initially called “The Predator” because of his dreadlocks. He no longer has dreadlocks. Kind of makes no sense to continue calling him “The Predator”. It’s also completely shit in the first place. Look at the man. Predators skulk around and pick people off stealthily – Ngannou is the total opposite. Who is picking these nicknames!?

There’s so many better choices: “Juggernaut”, “Goliath”, “Behemoth”, take your pick. Personally, I would go with the excessively long: “The Cameroonian Hulk”. Terrifying. It’s too long; has far too many syllables and I love it.