STORIES THE NEWS

Report: MMA Fighter Caught Jaywalking

***Disclaimer: By writing a story of this magnitude I’m putting my very own life at risk. If you find me dead, you’ll know I was murdered for my part in this world shattering exposé*** Without further ado:

In the constant spin cycle that is ‘MMA media’. There’s occasionally a story out there that blooms, a story which the corporate elite ‘who control this very spin cycle of reporting’ are too afraid to tell you. ‘Vox media?’ – Pfft they’re a fake news organisation that’s run by a bunch of crazy communist liberals who want to see this great country perish (You know which one I’m talking about); they’re an embarrassment to ethical reporting. ‘Independent sites?’ – well they’re ran by a toxic gang consisting of low energy losers. and dumb-dumbs, their opinions are too easily manipulated, they’re brainwashed by the bourgeoisie into relative autonomy. Independent MMA sites exist as just an irreverent tribute, a circle jerk of sorts to everything that’s wrong with cage fighting.

So that’s where StipeTapped steps in; we want to promote independent, impartial journalism, we want to (metaphorically /  physically) ooze integrity from every conceivable orifice. Can a site have orifices ? (please ignore all the tweets i  previously sent to jon jones calling him a steroid abusing cunt – We’re now fair (but fuck jones)). Sorry… Where was I ? Oh yes, Journalistic integrity; as established above, it’s something MMA lacks, yes we understand there’s no money in MMA journalism but we need to be integral GOD Damn It ! We have morals. There’s frickin Jihadi terrorist scum managing the just as big scum bag fighters. We need to produce the exposé podcasts people, if we don’t do it, well nobody will and for some reason we have a purpose to exposé these E-list level MMA celebrities.

For all of this, I can tell you of something I witnessed recently. An MMA Fighter (Who I am too scared to name out of fear of persecution from my peers and Twitter weirdos) was recently arrested for Jaywalking. He’s a huge fighter that everyone knows, it’s someone you’d never expect too partake in illegal activities, making it all the more SHOCKING ! So in short, someone was ARRESTED, they committed a crime & must face the repercussions !

Jesus, time’s running out here, my batteries running low and my bowels are turning to water, my heart is like an iceberg as I hurriedly spew the truth onto this webpage. Donate to my patreon and I’ll ***maybe*** huge emphasis on the ***maybe*** tell you who committed an illegal crime.

Journalistic Integrity Forever, we need to fight the elite, we are the thought war !

 

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