A Fake Interview With George St. Pierre

Georges arrived to the interview disguised, as to not get recognised by the crowd of people in the hotel lobby. He held an ice cream in his hand, I think the flavour was strawberry, but I forgot to ask, I was too marvelled at the prospect of this meeting with the elusive St.Pierre  We started the interview with an off the record, respectful discussion of the augmentation of a certain Straw-weight queen’s chest. However, this was not why we were there that day.

Thank you for meeting me Georges. Now that you are retired how is your relationship with Nick Diaz? He seems likely to retire too.

Well… I uh…I often send Nick uh…de funny videos that I find on de internet, but uh…he uh…Nick never replies. He also said he did not eh…want to go on de palaeontology trip with me. I will eh….keep trying I suppose eh. I hope he’s okay, he seems messed up in da head, man.

Between us Georges, does Ariel Helwani follows you everywhere you go? (I had no intention of keeping this between me and George)

Hum I don’t know what to say. He’s been a bit uhhh…creepy, he sends me picture of him in a underwear with uhhh…my name. He uhh…sleeps in a bed with me on it uhhh too. I…..I think he dropped something en my bag when I wasn’t looking de other day. It’s worrying

I’ve been wondering Georges, where does this unwillingness to swear comes from, I mean after all you’re an adult you can do whatever you want.

I don’t want to swear eh….use de profanity. It is bad for de children. And also my parents used to lock me in de cage with hungry rats for days each time I swore.

Did I say too much?

Anyway. I think that you are the GOAT, but what is surprising about your career is the way you turned into the best wrestler in the sport, without any previous experience in that field. How did you do that?

One day I sat in my couch uhhh…to watch cartoons on de TV, an I…I watched de Tom & Jerry. It is my favourite…cartoon. I uhhh…am unknown as to eh what happened, de next thing I know it uhh… 6 hours passed. Then on de next day I showed up to de gym and I was taking….doing the takedown on everybody.

Wouldn’t that be related to your alien abduction theory?

I do eh believe it was de aliens. I uhhhh…I I believe they ehh wanted me to be the perfect…..athlete. I do think dey uhhh…..that it ehhh worked.

Thank you so much for your time Georges, and we here at StipeTapped wish you well in your retirement. Your career has been legendary.

***This interview totally happened***