Have you ever been locked in an elevator? I have, and to say the least; it’s a rather haunting experience. The existential dread of ‘How and when do I ever get out of here’ grips and transforms your entire psyche.  Thankfully during my stint in elevational purgatory I was alone; being societally introverted helped a lot here. The grim grasp of claustrophobic didn’t manage to take me down.

After a brief 30-minute chill in the lift, I was rescued. Soon after the incident, I began to ponder what it may have been like to be with others… (More specifically MMA fighters)

Which ones would have transformed the 30-minute trip into an actual living Hell on Earth?

So in an effort to answer this deep arduous question, here is the list I created of fighters I would not have liked to be alone with for 30 minutes.

Hermes Franca:

UFC veteran; Hermes Franca was arrested in 2011 for sexual battery and served 42 months behind bars for his crimes. If I hit the button and he pulls up in the elevator, I think I’ll take the stairs.

Alexander Emelianeko

Big Alex, the younger brother of Fedor has had many a run in with the law. Most recently serving time for raping his house-maid. Alex also supposedly has Hepatitis C & B; which he obtained from using dirty steroid needles. He doesn’t seem like a great human and is someone we will make sure to avoid in elevators breaking situations.

Mayhem Miller

Before going completely off the rails, Mayhem Miller seemed to be a relatively cool guy. Gaining fame on MTVs bully beat down & by having an okayish UFC run. Though later on Millers sanity appeared to snap, after he commited a multitude of crimes from engaging in a standoff with police to domestic abuse. Miller is currently facing 23 years locked up. He would literally make getting in an elevator hell on earth for anyone.

Charles Crazy Horse Bennet / Diaz brothers

Okay some of us don’t like weed. After being stuck in a confined space with these few you’d likely reach a higher level of consciousness from second hand smoke alone.

Jon Jones:

First 15 minutes he’d likely be cool, though after that he’d probably try to snort me up.

Viacheslav Datsik:

There’s an elite roster of maniacs to grace planet earth, there’s Adolf Hitler, Stalin & Mussolini all on there, but Viacheslav Datsik is perhaps the most insane of all the roster. Datsik has been described by leading psychiatrists as ‘Too Raw For Humainty’. Without going into the nitty gritty; he’s currently locked away in a maximum security prison for almost every crime you can think of. He’s someone we certainly wouldn’t want to spend any alone with.

Bob Sapp:

He’s such a gigantic unit that I’d simply be squashed to death in the elevator.

Joe Son:

Going (0-5) in pro fighting, Son gained fame for his appearance in the Austin Powers movie yet after his failed stint in acting he was arrested for violating probation. Whilst under arrest, Sons DNA was matched to a gang rape case in 1990. Son was given a life sentence in prison yet after being in jail for just one month; he beat his cell mate to death. The last thing I’d want in life is to be in close proximity to this piece of scum.

War Machine:

War machine is currently locked up for brutally assaulting his ex-girlfriend (Christy Mack). He’s a grade A trash that we don’t want to be near.

Jarrod Wyatt:

Wyatt gained worldwide fame way back in 2010 when he was arrested for murdering his friend and training partner Taylor Powell. What made the murder so chilling was that Wyatt killed him by ripping out his beating heart, tongue and also cutting off Taylors face. I don’t want to be anywhere near this psycho.